Tester
by Joie679
Summary: Basicly a tester of a story i want to write. Please tell me what you think. If you need a laugh here it is: :D


**This is what happens when your parents put a curfew on your internet and you have nothing to do at 2:30 AM. Be warned, my brain does crazy stuff! I will be writing a story for this, I kinda just wanted to see the reaction. This has not been edited and like I said, It was written at 2:30 so there are some major typos that I am well aware of! **

**Basic things you need to know…Bella is a vampire. This would be about post twilight, pre-Edward leaving new moon! They aren't married. **

I sat in the shade of the trees so I could put my anti-sparkle sun-block on. I had never used it before now so I had no idea what to expect but Alice and Carlisle made it, so hey! I reached into my bag and pulled out the yellow bottle.

"AHH!" I screamed and threw the bottle a metre away. I received a lot of strange looks from my friends and Alex picked it up and handed it to me. She looked at the bottle and started laughing. On the bottle it said "Sun block" wow! Creative. But that wasn't the creepy thing, underneath had the pictures of a smiling Carlisle and Alice, both with their hand in a "thumbs up" sign. They where smiling manically. I swear Alice is slowly corrupting peoples brains an soon she will take over the world! MUHAHAHA! Okay there we go, Alice has taken me over to the dark side. But hey? They have cookies. Quickly putting the sun block on I went to join my friends but I stuck my hand out to be sure first. It worked an I only had a faint glow, it made me look more human but like a goddess at the same time. In turn they looked at the bottle.

"This is your family?" they asked, slightly weirded out. "Er yes, that's Carlisle I guess he's my dad now, and that's my sister Alice. They're all in Forks right now" they nodded in understanding

"Yeah okay they are mad!" we all laughed "actually its only Alice an Emmet but slowly they're eating into peoples common sense and soon well all be like….like…that!" I practically spat, staring daggers at the bottle in mock disgust. My phone started ringing 'Babycakes' started playing. I automatically remembered the plane trip back here. We went through Emmet's iPod on shuffle and whoever suited the song most had to sing it. We forced Esme and Carlisle to sing 'Babycakes'. It was so funny and they were really getting into it. I remember the people on the plane staring half in awe, amusement and confusion. The best part? We have it all on video tape! I was ripped out of my reminiscent by the phone. Alice's scary face came onto screen.

"Hey Alice!" I said, already weary. "Omgsh omgsh omgsh bellaemmetgotonaplanetopheonixandiscomingforyoubutnowwereallcomingbecauseeddiefollowedandsonowwe'reallchasingeachotherdowntotheparkwhereyouare!"

**(Bella Emmet got on a plane to phoenix and is coming for you but now we're all coming because Eddie followed and so now we're all chasing each other down to the park where you are!")**

she screamed into the phone, I could picture her in her yellow porch driving at insane speeds through Phoenix with her D&G shades on while bouncing in her seat, and balancing her phone in the other hand. You didn't need vampire ears to hear her clearly though she was speaking so fast even I found it hard to keep up.

"Okay Alice your on loud speaker, repeat that slowly so I can understand" I said patronizingly.

"Okay well Emmet is in his jeep from Forks coming to get you for gods only knows what reason, so Eddie followed him in the Mercedes so naturally I followed, they Rose followed because she wanted to try out her new engine on the BMW. Then Jazzy followed me on his bike. Obviously Carlisle followed as well but he's going straight to Esme. So Emmet should be there reeeealy soon so I' m gonna go now! BYE!"

"well that was weird…" Zoya muttered "weird doesent even begin to describe my life" I sighed "and you know the shitty part is? It's not over and we can only go up from that!" I pointed to the sun block and phone. But all of a sudden "BEEEELLLLLA!" was heard from Emmet who was racing towards me with a huge smile on his face and two suitcases in his hands. Crap. "eek!" I squeeked and ran. He dropped the suitcases an ran towards me.

"why are you running away from me! Don't you want to go to Mexico with me?" he put on his best puppy dog face. I put my hands up as a warning and a shield. Wait…Mexico? Mexico…hmm…OMG MEXICO FUCKING MEXICO! He wouldn't!

_Flashback__-In the mall in Australia_

"_Kiss me"_

"_No"_

"_Kiss me"_

"_No"_

"_Kiss me" _

"_No"_

"_Kiss me" _

"_No no no no no no. Non, neih, bah, nooooooo, nuh huh, nope, nada, never!"_

"_Please!....."_

"_In Mexico"_

_An evil grin spread across his face_

_End flashback_

Ah crap now it had come back to bit me in the butt. Last chance I ran screaming

"NO, KISS, NO, CHIHUAHUA MASSACRE! NOOOOO!" ahh the great Chihuahua massacre of 1942… Emmet and Rose took a vacation in Mexico and Emmet saw the Chihuahuas dressed in designer clothes so he went and bought cheap, ugly, tiny clothes for e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e c-h-i-h-u-a-h-u-a in Mexico. Alice named it the Chihuahua massacre because "they would look better dead than in those horrible clothes!"

My friend where looking at me really weird but I couldn't look at them any longer because suddenly Emmet picked me up an started chanting "I'm gonna kiss my sister in M-E-X-I-C-O, every things good in M-E-X-I-O! Chihuahua massacre in M-E-X-I-CO!" to the song "Everything's good in AMERICA! Everythings clean in AMERICA!" you know from west side story?! Then suddenly I was flying and I was lying in Edwards hard…soaking? Arms. Who cares, I would ask him later.

"Hey" I said gently "hey" he replied but his mouth was on mine, only to be separated by Emmet ramming into us. "GROUP HUG!" he screamed .. Oh he was so getting it later. I still had my newborn strength so I could whip him easy. Right now, I was on top of Edward and Emmet has to our left side with his arms still around us. He snuggled in deeper and sighed in mock contentment.

"AIIIIIEEEEEEEK!" Alice's high pitched squeal came from my right. "OMG can I join?! Okay don't answer that" he plopped herself in gracefully next to Edward and I who currently resembled a vampire sandwich.

"Eer guys…?" Rose's voice questioned.

"Rosie, Rosie, Rosie!" Alice and I squeeled.

"Bellsy, Bellsy, Bellsy, Ali, Ali, Ali, Emsy, Emsy, Emsy, Ed-" "Don'." Edward snarled, his voice half muffled. I giggled quietly and he shot me a look. I quickly placed a peck on his lips.

"Eeeeeddddiiiii…..E! EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE!" she said the first one very slowly then the others very loudly. He growled, tickling me and making me giggle.

"What ever Rose" he sighed "Join." He said dryly. She complied completely missing his tone, on purpose! Man this family do things, anything to wind each other up. Just then Jasper came along.

"Jazzy! Jazzy, JAZZY!" Alice screamed

"SPAZZY JAZZY!" Emmet screamed. Leaving me, Edward and Rose to squirm as they waited for us to make a weird nickname up.

"no." I said.

"Well sorry to interrupt your lesbian pile up but may I join?" turning on his southern gentleman charm as he peered over our "lesbian pile up".

"Yeah well it's only lesbian because your not in it, if you where in it, you would have so much gay that it would turn into a…gay pile up?" Rose said

"EH whatever." He joined our pile. Edward on the bottom, me on top of him, Emmet and Alice either side of us and Jasper half on top of Alice, half me and Rose half on Emmet half me. Silence. Except for our breathing, the humans breathing and their heartbeats. It was silent for a minuet then I sighed and said.

"I love you guys" an echo of "I love you too, I love you all's" where heard then Emmet spoke up.

"Edward, dude. I don't know where to start. I feel like I owe you an apology." Before Edward could respond, Emmet cut through

"Rose and I did it on your bed" aww not the bed! "and your sofa, and you piano, and your Volvo, an your Aston Martin an-" I felt really sick. Edwards posture was tense. I swear I saw a vein in his head ready to pop from the amount of pressure. If only. He let out a grunt.

"you are going to burn my piano and my bed. My cars are going to be re-serviced and their seats an interior fixed and whatever else you have touched of mine will be fixed by yourselfs" he said pinching the bridge of his nose. I stroked his hair fondly. Alice started giggling madly.

"what Alice?" Edward asked panicky. "Edward don't you know?! EVERYONE has done it in your Volvo, Jazz and I, Esme and Carlisle I think that vile Mike Newton with several other girls have payed a visit to that Volvo, how did you miss that? The Volvo was like the no.1 place to do it in Forks, everyone wanted some action!" she giggled manically. I just whispered re-assuring words to him.

"okay forget it, _burn_ my Volvo as well and I want an EXACT REPLICA of it or else…"

"Ahh our overgrown children…" Carlisle said

"CRAP!" Emmet yelled

"Yes Emmet, you better start running…NOW" and with that Carlisle chased Emmet off into the distance…

"Um Edward why are you soaking?" I asked, before he could reply, Carlisle dragged Emmet over to us.

"Now Emmet, apologise to Edward" Edward crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head away like a four year old. "Speak" he said bluntly

"Edd-" Edward shot him a look "Edward, I'm sorry I threw you in a lake in an attempt to get to Bella first" I started coughing and spluttering. "You did WHAT?! Emmet McCarty Cullen you are SO getting it!" I said, hands on hips. With what I hoped was a scary and intimidating expression on my face. Edward kept looking away from the big child (even if he was being a bigger one) and said "And?" " and I'm sorry Rose and I did IT in and on your stuff…" he mumbled. Carlisle pipe up "Actually Esme and I have to apologise to you too…its just something about the Volvo…its leathery seats…" oh god please help us all…

"YOU! You of all people would do that to me and Patricia!" he said pointing at Carlisle "I thought Alice was exaggerating when she said everybody slept in my Volvo. BELLA AND I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP IN THE VOLVO!" giggles all round while I just stared at him in shock and disbelievement.

"haha Edward and I wasn't exaggerating when I said _Newton _Slept there…he did it a few times actually" Edward and I groaned.

"Okay everybody is buying me a new Volvo, piano and Aston Martin…GOT IT? Or I will spill your precious secrets I've been keeping all these years!" he jutted his chin up in their direction. Everybody looked scared shitless…what secrets do this family have? I didn't know, but I knew I would have a fun time getting them out of Edward…..MUHAHAHA! Alice gave me some weird looks, stared off into the distance then gave me thumbs up. This was gonna be goooood!

**Review and tell me what you think…or if none of it made sense! Again, I WROTE THIS AT 2:30!!**


End file.
